What am I supposed to say after an entire year? I feel like there is everything and nothing to tell all at the same time. Hooray for contradictory feelings. They always solve the world's problems.
If there is anything I could possibly tell you that would be of any significance, it would be that I am in love.
This feeling, it is like nothing I have ever felt before. I know I have said that before at one time or another, but after knowing what I now know, I realize that my ignorance of love and my acceptance of school girl crushes as being anything but were just a phase that I endured, my like any other girl. I'm not so different in reality.
His name is James. He is my everything. When I hear his voice, my heart no longer feels like a block of lead weighing down my chest. Restricting my breathing. Inhibiting my ability to live. James makes me feel happier than I have felt in such a long time. He makes me want to be a better person. He makes me think about the future and not worry over my disagreeable present. He makes me smile, no matter how depressed I may be feeling. He gives me back my faith that everything is going to be okay.
He is the most beautiful man I have ever known. And I wonder what I have done to deserve such a wonderful man. Sometimes I worry that I'm not good enough for him. That I'm too much of a fuck up to be with someone so amazing.
When I tell him that he laughs. Laughs and tells me how beautiful I am. He thinks I'm simply being paranoid when I say these things.
I want to run away with him. Start a new life with him and experience all the ups and downs of existance with James by my side. I want to hold him close and never let him go.
James is the best boyfriend a girl could ask for. I wonder why any of his ex-girlfriends ever let him get away.
But I'm so grateful that they did.
For years I have been hoping that I would find a guy exactly like him. How did I get so lucky?
Dreams do come true. James restored my faith. I love him for it.
Besides, it's nice being treated like a princess.